I’ve searched your blog for the answer to my question but couldn’t find it.I started reading your blog in 2013 and it helped me get rid of an alpha male in my life and encouraged me to try online dating.

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My boyfriend and I are both from the same ethnic background, practice the same religion, but our families come from different regions of the same country. I have been so happy with him and believe he’s worth the wait. And while you’d love to make both of your families happy, this is a defining moment for him as a person.

He never mentioned (even though I asked on our 3rd date) that his parents are completely against him marrying an “outsider.”In the last month his parents have been pressuring him to get an arranged marriage. He told me he wasn’t 100% sure that he wanted a future with me and needed time to think because he’s been the happiest with me. I have not been contacting him, even though he’s sent a few texts. But I wonder if he hasn’t made a decision after a week, is silence an answer? I’m glad you found a wonderful man who has stuck with you through thick and thin. If you agree with me, tell him your spin on what I outlined above. Will he capitulate, and break up with a devoted girlfriend, just to make mommy happy?

He knows his parents won’t approve (I sent him your blog answer on that too! Dear Varsha, I’ve written about this subject many times. That level of aptitude is something you deserve credit for – and something that will come into play if your current relationship doesn’t work out. Reva Seth wrote an amazing book called “First Comes Marriage” about what Westerners can learn from arranged marriage. – these are all games and you are above playing games. Or will he stand up and tell his family that he made a decision and he really hopes they can get on board.

But I guess I’ll take another crack at it, in hopes that newer readers who are too lazy to click on the above links will challenge their beliefs and make healthier relationship choices. And make no mistake, there is a distinct chance that this one might not work out. I am not minimizing or judging the outsized role that family plays when it comes to various ethnic weddings – in this case, an Indian wedding. This is your boyfriend’s battle – to figure out if he wants to be an independent man capable of making his own decisions or whether he’s going to be a puppet of his extended family and deny himself the joy of marrying someone of his own choosing. I’m only against arranged marriage for people who DON’T WANT ARRANGED MARRIAGE. If he chooses the latter, I am confident that his family will eventually come around to support him.

I have never had a relationship go as smoothly as this.

I lost my job last year and with his encouragement and support, I got through a difficult time.

A few months after meeting we became exclusive, online profiles deleted, and we’ve met the majority of important people in each other’s lives.

I told him I was in love a few months ago, but he admitted he doesn’t feel that yet. I really have been the type of girlfriend I always wanted to be with him. I work full time (again), have an art career on the side, and constantly going out with my friends.

I have multiple white friends who married into Indian families, and, almost universally, these families made it hell on both the bride and groom – all in the name of cultural purity, tribalism and tradition. If he chooses the former, you have not lost the man you thought you lost, and you should not waste another second of time pining for this guy.

I will say, however, that no matter how much your boyfriend loves his family and no matter how much their hearts are in the “right place,” it’s not their life to live. As I wrote just recently, if my Mom told me that she “forbid” me to marry my Catholic wife or would disown me if I made that choice, SHE would be the one making the choice to ruin our family, NOT me. If you come from that culture, you know unless your husband was 100% behind your marriage, you will face a very difficult life with your in-laws.

If he chooses to sacrifice true love – which, as we know, is hard enough to find – just because your families come from separate regions of India, I have no sympathy for him – and nor should you. That may sound like I don’t understand the enormous pressure you feel to please your respective parents. So unless he is willing to fight his family, it’s not worth it.