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We had a GREAT question asked to us on our “The Purpose of No Contact” page.It was such a great question, in fact, that I thought it would be helpful to several others in a similar situation if I wrote a post about it!Here’s the question: The first thing I want you to do is to take a look at that picture at the top of this post.
But getting beyond that, here are some practical ideas: 1.
Bear in mind that when a man and woman have children together and divorce, they may need to communicate ON THE OCCASION, but by-in-large they do not need to talk every day, they do not need to do things for each other, and they are no longer involved in each others’ day-to-day lives.
Thus, when your Disloyal Spouse claims that they need to be mettling in their Affair Partner’s life or be involved doing things on a daily basis… No matter who is who, the female person had unprotected sex with someone and made a baby, and she made that choice; she’s responsible TO THE CHILD.
And likewise the male person had unprotected sex with someone and made a baby, and he made that choice; he is responsible TO THE CHILD.
Now if they had been smart, they would have considered that the reason a person only has sex within a committed, lifetime marriage is for the stability it offers to their potential children!
But they were not smart, and now they do each owe THE CHILD, but neither one of them owes a thing to their adultery partner!!!!!
Their promise was to their spouse, and anything they owe (like loyalty or honor) is to their SPOUSE. Get everything about the baby/child legal and court-ordered.
Can you tell if it is a child of rape or of adultery? So before we go any further, the baby — the child — is not involved in “how it was conceived.” The child is an innocent, and the child needs love and needs a mom and dad in its life.
Now that that is out of the way, let’s jump into the actual question.
When one spouse is Disloyal and commits adultery, and the Loyal spouse is willing to reconcile, in order for the affair to truly END and the recovery to begin, there has to be complete and utter, 100% NO CONTACT with the Affair Partner. It seems impossible to cut all contact with the person who is the other parent of your child, and to be honest, it is extremely difficult!
I think when there is no child conceived, people generally understand why and how to do this. BUT that is also one of the reasons why affairs are so destructive and the damage is so devastating–because the Disloyal puts the Loyal into the position of having an STD or a child that will be a constant reminder for life!